Recently, i have been listening to this song quite seriously. It made me contemplate on the things in my life that is connected to the song.
At first i longed for a love, it came true and i was very ecstatic. But we have to separate just as we started. I was torn and thought that i was so worthless. I also realized that the society is so shallow and superficial. That's when i wished for someone to appreciate me as me. It came true but the person who accepted me as me was never a person at all. I yearned to be with my father after my graduation in college, it came true, but after several months he died. I never wished for a companion i can share my views, opinions, frustrations, etc, but it came anyway. I fell in love with that person, but the person was just not into me. For quite sometime, i was emotionless. I devoted my time with my work. My students gave me the peace and love i deserve...and i was contented with that. But there came a time that i feel i am being so robotic, so numb. I wanted to unwind near a body of water but was too busy to do so. I don't even have a companion. New Year came and a friend from the past invited me to stroll along a river bank. Several meetings after, i felt attached to this person. I was in cloud nine. He was the only person who gave me a flower and was the only one who treated me as a person.... as a woman. I was humanized again. But... he was never mine. he may be unattached but his heart will never be mine for there is someone special in it.
So right now, i detached myself to all those things. I thought it would make me happy being emotionless, painless again. But i was wrong. I am supposed to be hurt right now. I should be angry and bitter..... but.... i cannot feel anything at all. I am neither happy nor sad.
Am I really suppose to be happy? I ask that to myself too.