Cat and Mouse - "Am I suppose to be happy?"

Recently, i have been listening to this song quite seriously. It made me contemplate on the things in my life that is connected to the song.

At first i longed for a love, it came true and i was very ecstatic. But we have to separate just as we started. I was torn and thought that i was so worthless. I also realized that the society is so shallow and superficial. That's when i wished for someone to appreciate me as me. It came true but the person who accepted me as me was never a person at all. I yearned to be with my father after my graduation in college, it came true, but after several months he died. I never wished for a companion i can share my views, opinions, frustrations, etc, but it came anyway. I fell in love with that person, but the person was just not into me. For quite sometime, i was emotionless. I devoted my time with my work. My students gave me the peace and love i deserve...and i was contented with that. But there came a time that i feel i am being so robotic, so numb. I wanted to unwind near a body of water but was too busy to do so. I don't even have a companion. New Year came and a friend from the past invited me to stroll along a river bank. Several meetings after, i felt attached to this person. I was in cloud nine. He was the only person who gave me a flower and was the only one who treated me as a person.... as a woman. I was humanized again. But... he was never mine. he may be unattached but his heart will never be mine for there is someone special in it.

So right now, i detached myself to all those things. I thought it would make me happy being emotionless, painless again. But i was wrong. I am supposed to be hurt right now. I should be angry and bitter..... but.... i cannot feel anything at all. I am neither happy nor sad.

Am I really suppose to be happy? I ask that to myself too.

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Comment by Leanne on March 13, 2009 at 8:42pm
Oh,I feel for you...I've been there too, some time in 2008...let me share you one of my favorite quotes "“Who has never tasted what is bitter does not know what is sweet.”
We are supposed to be happy..We all deserve it...
Comment by Mariel on February 18, 2009 at 12:57pm
aww that's so sad. i feel you girl. it's really hard to love somebody who loves someone else. but come to think of it, it's like the saying... - at the risk of sounding cheesy-, it's better to have loved and lost than to not love at all. feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all. some may disagree with this but 'shrug it off' like it's a simple thing, treat it like it dont mean the whole world to you, and slowly you'll find out, pain has faded until it's no longer there.
Comment by you. on February 10, 2009 at 9:52pm
yes, you ARE supposed to be happy. if i know anything, its that the hard times make the good times all the much more special. the wait is hard, i know, but dont give up hope. itll get better, i promise.

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