I did this 3 years ago... i was really sad that time.... now i'm over it...

Below is a letter for someone very special. i know this will never reach that person, but I'm publishing it anyway...so here it goes...

Dear H.E.R.,

There isn’t a time that you left my mind, my heart, and my soul. I just wish I never knew the real you so I can let you go. I’m hoping against hope that you would really exist and help me get out of the pain you’ve caused me. It’s really easy for everyone to say that I should move on. But if they had just experienced the near death, the sacrificial and selfless love I felt for you, they won’t be saying anything at all. I have been very quiet of the real thing I am aching
to show you. If I could just touch and hold you, I would let you feel, even just for a sec, I’ll let you know how I ache for you to be there for me, in reality. After all, I have saved all my life for only you. My life revolved in waiting for you to be here with me, to share the passion of the unfathomable feelings I have for you.

Up until now I’m still separating you from the real you, and forgive me for doing so. This way I still could keep you. Should I be living in delusion because of all this craziness I do, then be it. So let me collect each and every teardrop that falls from my eyes, each second that passes by, every inch of my vitally to leave my body, each memory of you stored in my mind, and every painful beat of my heart to be with you each and every way I can.

On December 10, it’ll be the 4th year of yearning and longing to be with you. Should you not show up in my life, let me die with your memories. I don’t wanna die in you arms for it won’t happen. Let me die in solace of my pain and sorrow. Let each bit of my ash be blown by the wind and send my love and kisses to you. Let my vitality decompose in the soil and feed seedlings waiting for the growing season. So that when spring comes, you’ll know that I am one with the surroundings and I’ll always be with you, the way you were never with me.

It may sound that I have love that is blind, but I have transcended the things that the eye can see, the heart can feel, the mind can take. I love you very much it hurts, not with joy but by the thought that we could never be. So now I thank you for knowing you and sharing a very little part of your life with me. I am very grateful for the intense sadness you brought into my life for it had given me a deep joy. Thank you for leaving a big hole in my life. There I will
contain all my memories of you.

I would also like to take this opportunity to give my sincerest gratitude in breaking me into pieces and making me vulnerable every time I find a piece of me. It just goes to show that I was once complete. Thank you for letting me know that even though I am just like this, that I have worth; that I can be appreciated, and loved. Thanks for all the irony of life you have given me.

and Kisses,


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Comment by Leanne on April 15, 2009 at 6:09pm


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