Poem 8, You don't know me.

[Kathryn Amanda Reel aka Mandy]

Those of you that walk by and look at me
Or give me a passing glance or stare
You automatically think you know me
Just by the way I look,
You think you know everything about me.
Enough that i'm not good company for you.
But you could never be more wrong.
You Can't judge just because you saw me.
That happy smile that i display for others
That annoying bitchy attitude that i show.
Isn't what it really seems to be.
They are merely a facade for the public.
My defense of opening up to undesirables.
Your asking me now.
'What are you really like?'
Well I'll tell you.
I'm a scared, abused, crying child.
Hidden within the deep dark depths of a shredded heart.
Terrifing memories plaguing my every dream.
Making them nightmare after nightmare.
I cry myself to sleep everynight, silently though.
For my cries for help and understanding
Or the warmth of never given comfort
Shall always be silent and never heard.
I was not meant to be helped.
I was not meant for this life or existence.
You may think that i jest with you.
You are sadly mistaken,
My life has been nothing but a burden to those around me.
But i have not the gall to end my life myself.
So i wait it out and take what i get with a smile,
Though it may be fake, a smile non the less.
So if you think you know me just by looking at me,
Then take a closer look, into my eyes.
The shattered mirrors of my soul will show you the truth.
That i am the weeping child lost in the busy streets of a city
Looking for a place to call home.
But will never find a home until I am six feet under your feet.