Poem 6, I hate you.

[Kathryn Amanda Reel aka Mandy]

I wrote this poem a couple of years ago for my 'Father' that aussie twat bastaard prick.
I needed to get some feelings out, and while i was writing this i was so pissed off that i broke my PEN in half.

As I sit waiting for the school bus,
Those memories that i so desprately tried to forget
Came back one by one.
You made promises that weren't kept.
You only ever told me lies. never the truth.
You said you would never hurt me.
That was a lie.
You hurt me everyday.
Emotionally and physically.
You said you would never hit me,
Never bruise me,
Never break my skin.
Empty promises, all lies.
For one day, just one,
I'd like to forget all the bad stuff and remember all the good stuff.
Then I remembered, there was nothing good to remember.
The only thing i could remember was the pain and the tears.
You not only made promises to me but to her also.
You thought you could make us happy.
What could you possicly do to make us happy?
The only thing you could do is drop dead.
I only ever had a hateful question for her
What did you see in him mom?
But i never asked her, i didn't want her to cry for nothing anymore.
You thought you could buy my love with nice things, and you didn't even love me.
I made the mistake of calling you 'Daddy' once.
And all that earned me was a slap across the mouth.
How could i love someone like you?
Your disgusting to me.
Your a disgace to all of human kind.
Why sis i feel like you could make me feel like something when you the whole reason i feel like nothing?
I tried my hardest to love you time and time again, and it was thrown back in my face.
Did you enjoy seeing my tears?
Did you enjoy seeing my pain?
When i cried out did you find it amusing?
All those years of uselessly hoping you'd love me and want me as your daughter were wasted on you.
All you wanted from me was something to beat and fuck.
All i ever did was love you and want your love in return.
Was that my wrong doing? Loving you?
Well you don't have to worry about that now.
I hate you with everything i have.
I've said so many times before and i can only say it so many times more.
And I'll keep saying until i see you in your grave.
I don't care where you are, or what your doing.
All i want to know is if your dead yet.
Then can i be truely happy.
But theres one thing that still goes unchecked in my mind.
Why do i still want you to love me?