Lying in the street....looking up towards the sky....there are no stars tonight, just a bunch of black clouds, it looks so lonely and its so cold outside. The rain mixes in with the tears staining my face. My body aches with pain, not physical pain, but the pain of regret. The pain of sorrow, the pain of having to live each day without knowing. Without knowing what went wrong. What could have made him stop talking. What could have made him stop waiting....I dont understand.....was it me? Or was it him? I thought that feeling the rain would wash the tears, but it just created more. A bundle that I can’t seem to bear. Since we stopped tlking ive walked these hallways. Ive laid in my room, crying silently hoping that somewhere he can feel my heart breaking. Hoping that he can see the scars etched on my heart, hope he can see the the words of im sorry marked into my flesh. Hoping that he can see and feel the hurt. and I still lie here. Knowing that its too late, it was never meant to be. Slowly, I change again. I become the nonbeliever of love and fate. I go back into my shell that I had cast away. I become that shy, hesitant girl that ive been waiting so long to be set free from. He knew this. He saw it in my eyes. He told me, and he shocked me when he did. Cuz noone has ever been able to see, the real me. He knew that I was wanting to break free. He gave me a reason to believe. He told me so...he asked me if I believed in fate...he told me that I didnt have to im him...but I did. And thats how our friendship started. He showed me love, and kindness. We laughed and joked. I confided in him my life, i told him things that I was haunted by. He understood. He felt some of my pain. At that time I couldnt believe that this was real. How could God be so nice to me now....when he had taken the one thing that had put my feet firmly on the ground? but he was nice....he sent me him. He sent me what I thought was an angel, someone who could finally break through the walls that kept me from freedom. But he didnt. He almost did. Until we stopped tlking.....until he stopped waiting.....he gave back my heart, my heart with its cracks and scars. He stabbed it, and made it bleed. He gave it all back to me. He turned away, and left me here. With the laughs, the jokes, the waiting all day for him to get on, he left the last pieces....the pieces that were left of me...here for the grabbing. So here I stand. Here I am forever waiting. I have no hate, for I still like him. I have at least a little of believing left. I will wait and try to make things right. And if he still turns away without giving me a chance...then i will stop beleiveing. And I will go on. I wont stand by...I will try and not let him go.....I dont want him to fade away. He is something speacial. I will still be his friend, and it will probably be nothing more. So I will just lie here, in the street, and let the rain wipe away my tears.
Jennifer Brady 3-22-08