I wake up from a cold sweat,shaking,scared,alone,depressed,tortured by insomia. Voices I hear but cannot see,tell me to do something that will hurt me.At least it will ease the pain I am feeling. Wait, What am I thinking? I need to ignore the nagging in my head, the desire to grab that knife and end things. Instead I will try to sleep, but no I can't. The vision of me screwing up again haunts me. What is wrong with me? Can anybody hear me? My screams, my cries? Can anybody see my tears, streaking down my face, drenching my clothes? How did I get like this? It's a long story trust me I wouldn't knowe where to begin. Let's just say I lost confidece and strength. I pushed my loved ones away, I built a wall that is unbreakable. Shutting out the light and inviting pure darkness into my life. But why you ask? There is a reason, just the mistakes of my past, taking over my life. Turning me inside out, made me angrey,scared,and depressed. Makes me suffer sleepless nights. This is what it feels like living in the black shadows.
Jennifer Brady 4-9-08