my biological father was very abusive, my mom and him split up when i was 1 but i would always g back and vist him. he would sit there and shoot up herione infront of me and numorious times tryd to get me to do it with him, more around when i was at the age 8 or 9. everytimes i'd go see him i would come back black and blue, and i would tell my mom i got in a fight with the neighbor kids. and she'd believe me,

becuase my mom could careless about me. my whole life i've tryed to please her but i just can't no matter what i do. i tryed being her pritty little princess, and cheer leader queen, but i can't do it.

acouple years ago i found RJA a friend of mine always listened to the song Angels cry. and i liked so i found their new cd "don't you fake it" and i listened and when i heard face down i knew this was my band. they understood, and i was shocked they where an all guy band standing up for how guys should really act? koodoos for them!

but becuase of the way my dad had treated me my whole life and the way my mom convinced me im not worth anything unless i meet her standereds i chose guys who where not good for me. i've had at least 14 relationships since i was 12 that where abusive.

i just got out of a decent relationship with a great guy one of my friends made me meet, but i left him becuase i felt he was too good for me, and he coudn't handle me asking him anymore why he didn't get mad when i hugged other guys or didn't do something just right, or why he didn't hit me instead he just kept stuff in. now im scared to pick guys anymore, but i don't want to be single forever. im only 15.

granet im already andult or most would consider me one since i have a job part time, pay bills, go to school full time (highschool), and take care of an 11 month old child who's my sisters kid who left her with me and said she'd let me legally adopt her when i turn 18, and take care of my house. but still. if i can't trust my self to pick guys then what should i do? i know the way im heading is bad, and going to get me in trouble later on. so i want to fix this way of thinking and acting now. and I STILL BELIEVE THERES HOPE im just not to sure how much?

If i could i would rely on my friends to pick out the guys, but i don't want to put that on them and what happens when everyone splits up once they go thir own ways out of highschool?

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i know exactly how you feel. those are my fears as well, and i'm glad you had a decent relationship, i've yet to find that. those who i am close to on this site, my non biological sisters and brother, know my story, and know that it is still happening. however, they have all kept my faith and hope. if your friends are true, even when they get out of high school, they would still be keeping in touch with you. keep faith, it will all be ok









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